New Normalcy?…..

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I’m sure I don’t have to state the obvious in saying that the world has been under some intense stress over that past few weeks, while everyone was tuning in to the news/social media keeping up with current events we all were still very optimistic. I think everyone reached their peak when the nation went into a mandatory quarantine requiring everyone to stay at home. Now I am an introvert so staying at home is not punishment to me, however, it has some of you guys going ape shit crazy LOL….While staying indoors is kinda my thing I have to admit that being told to stay inside is different, closing everything down has been weird, all these restrictions has had me in a whirlwind all week. It’s one thing to stay inside voluntarily but staying indoors because it’s not necessarily safe to be outside is wild af. I literally feel like we’re living right in the middle of a movie right now.

I work in healthcare, which by the way has been TRYING AS HELL this week, so the quarantine doesn’t really apply to me all that much. I am still required to be at work by 5 am sharp and stay my full shift, thankfully I only work 3 days a week so I guess it’s not all that bad. Being an “Essential” employee during a worldwide pandemic has really been eye opening, in all my years of working in healthcare I’ve never been required to be at work regardless of the state of the nation, aside from snow storms, this is new. Even during inclement weather I still have been given a pass to stay home because 98% of the patients won’t even show up :-/….Not so much with COVID-19 aka Coronavirus. I’m happy to be of service at such a fragile time but it has had its moments of pure stress.

I don’t think this time spent inside have to be a negative thing, aside from the obvious benefits of being safe, I believe we all could benefit from sitting still. As adults we’re always on the go, busy with work, life, being a spouse, a parent or simply adulting….sometimes it could feel impossible to find a moment of stillness. There’s always something that demands our attention making it difficult to sit still and just be in the moment. I too can relate to this 100%, it sometimes feel like downtime will never come :-/. Use this time to do all the things you have been putting off simply because you haven’t had the time, below I’ve listed 5 things you can do to use this time wisely.

  • Self Care…this could mean different things to different people but whatever makes you feel good is self care.
  • Read a book. I’ll admit I’ve been slacking BIG TIME on my book reading but I plan on getting back into it ASAP
  • Finish or Start that thing you’ve been postponing for God knows how long.
  • Find a new hobby…for me I’ve always wanted to get into painting. Find something you’ve been wanting to try and get on it.
  • Write/journal…writing has been my own kind of therapy for as long as I can remember.

On a lighter note the first day of Spring came and went without a peep LOL, everybody has been so wrapped up in the Coronavirus that nobody hardly noticed. I’m not really a Spring person but I do look forward to wearing less layers and lighter fabrics. I had a specific fit and shoot all planned out for my “First Day of Spring” post but this virus had other plans for all of us. These were taken about two weeks ago when life was a lot less hectic and chaotic. I froze my entire ass off during this whole shoot but at least I was allowed to be outside LOL. It’s crazy how we take the smallest things for granted not even realizing that they are actual privileges. I don’t think there’s been an official date for the quarantine lift but I do hope it’s sometime soon, while I do enjoy being home all I want right now is to get all cute and go out! I think it has more to do with the fact that I can’t because if I could my ass would be right in the house…LOL per usual.

What have you guys been doing to stay busy during the quarantine? Have you been told to work from home or are you an essential employee like me? :-/ I’m not even gonna lie I’ve been eating, drinking wine & sleeping all damn day…nothing outside of my usual activity LOL. But in all seriousness I hope you guys are following the proper protocol and keeping yourself & loved ones safe, I know this has probably been a lot to process but I have hope that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I find that seeing all of the news about the virus 24/7 is mentally exhausting, especially for an empath like myself. If you need to cut off the news and log out of social media for a day or so DO THAT….your mental will thank you. In the meantime we all need to focus on staying safe and not going crazy from being on lockdown, if I see another challenge or Tik tok video on Instagram I’m going to actually go nuts LOL. Stay safe & sound guys!!

Thanks for stopping by and remember, whatever you do, always do it with style.

And wash your damn hands!!

Xx, Quita

Skinny Black Girl In America

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So, let’s talk….

Happy Women’s History Month! I thought I’d start this month off in particular with a subject very near and dear to me, something I’ve been dealing with for most of my life. I’m sure it’s not hard to see that I am a petite woman, or as most would say “Skinny”. Growing up and all throughout school this was never something that caused me any trouble or was even a concern, I was a perfectly healthy child/teenager who happened to be on the “Skinny” side. It wasn’t until I was around 15 maybe 16 when I started to notice that all of my friends were growing into these bodies that had hips, breast and ass while my body on the other hand still looked the same way it did in the 9th grade. Although it still hadn’t become an issue at that point it was something I did take notice of. As time went on and I entered early adulthood that’s when the insecurities started to come into play, that’s when the insensitivity from others started to happen, that’s when I began to allow my environment to affect me.

I would hear all types of comments and rude remarks regarding my weight, things that I would unintentionally internalize. Being a smaller woman comes with it’s own set of problems BUT being a skinny black woman in the black community is a whole other fight. In a culture where big butts, breast & hips are placed on a pedestal I was trying to find where I fit in, I was trying to feel confident in my own body. I think people forget that body shaming doesn’t just mean you’re calling someone fat or overweight, body shaming is when you make a comment on someone’s weight, period. Whether it be a comment about someone being fat or skinny NEITHER IS OKAY and both can leave the same effect on someone. If it’s not, ‘Girl, do you even eat?” it’s “You’re soooooo tiny, how do you manage to stay so thin??” and while some people don’t mean much harm others are very intentional with their remarks. Rule of thumb, never comment on someone’s weight…it’s insensitive and it’s rude.

I tried EVERYTHING to gain weight and I mean everything. I watched countless Youtube videos on “How to gain weight fast” and while they did give a plethora of options none of them really worked for me. Not to mention the shit became expensive as hell, but I was so determined to gain some pounds (Ass & hips…judge ya mother) that the money didn’t even bother me. I tried it all from protein smoothies, protein shakes, increasing my caloric intake, Maca root, working out (chile I don’t know how y’all do that workout shit) and the infamous Apetamin. I would not recommend that Apetamin stuff to NO ONE, the side effects were just too much to deal with. I have seen women get great results with it but I refuse to drink that stuff again…but to each its own. I was over doing it trying to become something I simply am not and it wasn’t worth it. When it all balls down to it the most important thing you can do is love yourself no matter how big or small you are, no one is perfect and truth be told no one is ever satisfied. I know women who want to be smaller and women who want to be bigger. Women who want to add a little bit here and take a little bit away there. We’re either stuffing our faces trying to pile on calories or trying multiple diets trying to shed some pounds….there’s always something.

Love yourself just the way you’re, you’re beautiful and if you ever need a reminder I’m here to do just that! I still have my days BUT I snap out of that shit fast, I don’t dwell on it. I was made just the way I am supposed to be and so were you. I’ll leave you with this piece from 2016 I wrote on my tumblr (who else had a tumblr?) tumblr was and still is my favorite Social Media account….

It is never okay to ridicule or make insensitive comments about somebody’s body image. If I had a dollar for every time someone has made comments such as: “wow, do you eat?”, “you’re soooooo skinny”, “where are you gonna put all that food?”, “you should eat more”…..etc I’d literally have enough money to pay off my student loans. Understand that you’re never in a position to make comments on something you know nothing about. It is no different than when someone makes a fat joke and everybody laughs, the shit hurts. I have been living with myself long enough to know that I am a petite woman, I do not need you to remind me of this every chance you get. Just because somebody is different from you doesn’t make them unhealthy and more importantly it doesn’t put you in a position to judge. With age came a thicker skin when it comes to this, however I truly do hate when complete fucking strangers take it upon themselves to voice their opinions. Even after I give them the look of death they still will proceed to ask even more insulting questions. In a generation where fat ass’s, big breast and wide hips are glorified, especially in the black community, it is often frowned upon to be on the skinny side. Luckily, I could give a shit less but when you insult me oh then we will have a problem. Just like it’s not okay to say, “He/she is big as a house” it also isn’t okay to say, “He/she looks like a skeleton”. People need to mind their own business and grow the fuck up, period. Worry about your own grass and why it isn’t growing instead of worrying about why somebody look the way they do. Your rude comments could be the last straw for somebody before they snap on you or even themselves. So next time you decide to take it upon yourself to say something in reference to someone’s body weight do me a favor….don’t.

People will have opinions but you know what they say about those 😉. Don’t let anyone convince you that there is something wrong with you because there isn’t, there’s something wrong with them for believing they can tell you what to do with YOUR body! Healthy lifestyle changes are 100% okay but don’t let society convince you that there is something wrong with you, do it because you want to not because you feel like you have too.

Thanks for stopping by and remember, whatever you do, always do it with style…..and confidence!

Signed, A skinny black girl who eats more than an elephant :).

Xx, Quita

Discovering your Purpose

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The year is 2000 ish and I can still vividly remember waiting up until about 1:00 am to watch the runway shows on the Style Network, that was always my favorite TV station. I would study the runway, the models, their runway walk and most importantly what they were wearing. I became so intrigued with fashion and how you could tell a story through just clothing, how each garment gave a different emotion, how the clothes would speak for themselves. I always looked at fashion as a form of expression and style as a way of authenticity. I was in my last year of high school & unsure of what I wanted to do with my life but I knew Fashion/Style held a special place in my heart. Fast foreword to 35 & not much has changed….

I don’t know if it’s because we’re right in the last days of this decade or what but I’ve been dwelling on a lot of things lately; one in particular is What is my purpose? Although this can be a pretty loaded question for me it comes down to a few things…What was I placed here to do? How can I be of service to others? What makes my heart smile? My soul full? What do I actually enjoy doing? So many people go through life lost with no direction and wonder why they have no ambition….I think that has a lot to do with not walking in your purpose. When something truly interests you it brings you an abundance of joy, it will fill you up as opposed to draining every ounce of energy you’ve got. That’s what fashion does for me, it makes me happy, it allows for me to creatively express myself…it gives me a sense of fulfillment. This feeling isn’t new to me whatsoever but, lately I’ve been feeling a bit stagnant and that is a feeling I absolutely cannot stand. So it got me to thinking, Yes fashion is something I enjoy…a hobby to an extent but is it my calling? What could I do for the rest of my life and not absolutely dread after a few years?…What could get me out of bed every morning and not bitch & complain while getting dressed? What do I constantly find myself thinking about in my idle time? No surprise to me when the answer was fashion.

I think when something is really for you it never ever goes away, it’s like you can’t ignore your destiny. It may seem like it goes away for a bit but it never truly disappear, it’s always in the background just waiting for the perfect time to pop back up and remind you of what you should be doing…That’s kinda what fashion has been doing to me. I’ve been in my current field for almost 10 years now and still haven’t felt that spark that fashion gives me, that undeniable passion. That’s where a lot of people are in their professional lives, mediocre jobs that pay the bills but drain their souls. So many people are afraid to take a chance on their dreams because their dreams may seem to big or unattainable and end up miserable working 40+ hrs a week with 20 hrs of vacation time a year (that you have to ask permission to use). I CANNOT BE THAT PERSON…it literally makes me cringe just thinking about it. Do you know how much energy it takes to get up and force yourself to go to a job that you barely even like every morning? Whew chile! The ghetto.

The dream is the easy part, the hustle is where you separate the dreamers from the doers. Even while I’m dreaming I’m thinking about fashion 🤦🏽‍♀️…I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been laying in bed at night wide awake curating outfits in my head, LOL! Like it has literally kept me up at night, on some occasions I’ve even gotten out of bed and tried the outfits on….it’s really that bad, LOL. Whenever I’m invited out my first thought is always, What am I going to wear?🤔 an invitation anywhere is just an excuse to dress up in my opinion.

For this look I chose to wear this suit I purchased from Boohoo.com, I have been absolutely obsessed with suits this Fall. I love to see all the street style stars styling theirs in a variety of a ways with sneakers, heels, boots, combat boots, sandals and of course pumps. I chose to pair my suit with a pair of snake print booties from Shein.com to give it a mixed prints type of look, I think it looked pretty cool up against the checkered print in the pants. The pants are ankle length making them the perfect length to show off the booties. I have been on the hunt for a grayish/white fedora and found this gem on SoleSociety.com….in person its more gray than white but what I love most about this fedora is the sturdy brim, LOL. Yes I am kinda like a fedora connoisseur being that they are my favorite hats ever and I’ve collected my fair share over the years. Nothing grinds my gears more than a fedora with a floppy brim, if I wanted a hat with a floppy brim I would’ve purchased a floppy hat..LOL. My favorite part about this outfit is definitely the blazer! It’s double breasted, slightly over sized with small shoulder pads to give it a little structure and a small buckle to give it some edge. The fit is perfect for me, I am already thinking of re wearing it as a dress with some thigh high boots…not now though, it officially hit Winter a few days ago and I WILL NOT BE CAUGHT IN THE COLD..LOL. On this day it was a solid 30 degrees outside hence the teddy coat being in most of my pics, SMH. That was not apart of the plan but the weather had other plans and well I’m not freezing for no one, not even the perfect shot.

I think we’re all born with gifts/talent(s) that to often get ignored or brushed under the rug, I think it’s so unfortunate when this happens. I don’t want to be that old lady who at 70+ have regrets on not going after that dream. My biggest fear is having that, I wonder what would’ve happen if I just tried? thought wrecking havoc on my brain. Nothing worse then lingering “What if’s” floating around your mind. I don’t know what my future holds but I do know it doesn’t include me just sitting on my dreams. It doesn’t include me wasting my gift, that would be a disgrace. It’s our own job to hone in on those talents and put them to good use, It’s not work if you enjoy doing it. We’ve got a few days left in this decade, figure out what you love and get to it. Your dreams are waiting…

Thanks for stopping by and remember, whatever you do, always do it with style.

Xx, Quita