The single girls guide to the holidays

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Hey girl hey! So, we’re exactly one month away from Christmas and just a few hours away from Thanksgiving which officially kicks off the holiday season! As I’ve gotten older I’ve become a lot less enthusiastic for the holidays but I wouldn’t consider myself to be the grinch either, LOL. For the single woman the holidays can become a tad bit lonely ( I blame all those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies where the woman falls madly in love on Thanksgiving, is engaged on Christmas & married by New Years Day 🥴). We watch these movies with a glass(s) of wine secretly cursing every fuck boy that has ever wasted our time. No date for Thanksgiving dinner…again (your family is secretly judging you for this😭), no kissing under the mistletoe, no New Years kiss at 12 and while we’re on the subject we might as well include Valentine’s Day too. No chocolate and teddy bear or whatever y’all be accepting as gifts, LOL. I know this can suck but it doesn’t have too…I’ve listed 5 things you can do to ease the holiday scaries 😂. Now unless I meet a tall, dark, handsome, nice smile, good smelling, nicely dressed man in Target today ( in which case I Am no longer single LOL) we’re in this together 😂.

Let’s face it no matter how much you try to hide the holidays are coming so you might as well enjoy them. When your family asks you who you’re bringing to dinner tell them your outfit 😂 because a fabulous outfit is much better than a fuck boy you’re probably only entertaining because you’re bored. That way they won’t be giving you the side eye when you show up next year with a completely different person because that will be your future husband (I’m speaking this over yours as well as my life)! So, here’s my top 5 ways to deal with the stress of the upcoming weeks.

  • Host a Friendsgiving! I’ve always wanted to do this but just haven’t gotten around to it. I don’t know who thought of this but I think it’s a pretty cool idea. We’re certainly thankful for our friends too, especially the ones who listen to us complain over and over again about the same guy. Lol. We’re usually with our families on the actual holiday so why not have a separate shin dig with our friends.
  • Have a secret Santa gift exchange between you and a few close friends. It doesn’t have to be super expensive because it’s always the thought that count. Maybe you and your girls could get all dressed up and go to brunch to exchange gifts. Set a price limit for the gift and toast over bottomless mimosas!
  • Host a Christmas party! Something small and intimate while keeping COVID-19 in mind you can still have something for a small amount of close friends. This can be an ugly sweater party or even a pajama party. My family and I have a Christmas pajama party every year on Christmas Eve. We wear our Christmas pjs, bake cookies, watch Christmas movies and drink spiked egg nog, LOL. It’s a tradition for us!
  • Buy yourself something nice! I know we’re supposed to be shopping for others and we will but don’t forget about yourself! You deserve gifts just as much as the next person. If you don’t have a man to buy you those shoes or that bag you really want then buy 👏🏽 it 👏🏽 for 👏🏽 your 👏🏽 self.! You’ll appreciate it more when you can do it for yourself.
  • Love on yourself! This is especially important during times of increased stress, this can look like different things for different people but it all balls down to self care. Make sure you’re taking extra good care of yourself during the holiday season. On top of everything else going on in the world the holidays can become hectic. From dealing with family members you only see during the holidays, stressing over buying the perfect gift(s), to seeing all the “happy” couples on your socials celebrating together it can get tough BUT you got this!

*Bonus tip*

  • Use all the money you saved from NOT buying a PS5 or whatever these men are asking for these days to book a trip! LOL. Being single during the holidays only really means more money in your pocket and who doesn’t like money? I’ll wait 😂.

Let’s be honest though we all have that one sneaky link who could possibly be bae but you know….options, LOL. Happy Holiday Season!

Until next time

Xx, Quita

Skinny Black Girl In America

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So, let’s talk….

Happy Women’s History Month! I thought I’d start this month off in particular with a subject very near and dear to me, something I’ve been dealing with for most of my life. I’m sure it’s not hard to see that I am a petite woman, or as most would say “Skinny”. Growing up and all throughout school this was never something that caused me any trouble or was even a concern, I was a perfectly healthy child/teenager who happened to be on the “Skinny” side. It wasn’t until I was around 15 maybe 16 when I started to notice that all of my friends were growing into these bodies that had hips, breast and ass while my body on the other hand still looked the same way it did in the 9th grade. Although it still hadn’t become an issue at that point it was something I did take notice of. As time went on and I entered early adulthood that’s when the insecurities started to come into play, that’s when the insensitivity from others started to happen, that’s when I began to allow my environment to affect me.

I would hear all types of comments and rude remarks regarding my weight, things that I would unintentionally internalize. Being a smaller woman comes with it’s own set of problems BUT being a skinny black woman in the black community is a whole other fight. In a culture where big butts, breast & hips are placed on a pedestal I was trying to find where I fit in, I was trying to feel confident in my own body. I think people forget that body shaming doesn’t just mean you’re calling someone fat or overweight, body shaming is when you make a comment on someone’s weight, period. Whether it be a comment about someone being fat or skinny NEITHER IS OKAY and both can leave the same effect on someone. If it’s not, ‘Girl, do you even eat?” it’s “You’re soooooo tiny, how do you manage to stay so thin??” and while some people don’t mean much harm others are very intentional with their remarks. Rule of thumb, never comment on someone’s weight…it’s insensitive and it’s rude.

I tried EVERYTHING to gain weight and I mean everything. I watched countless Youtube videos on “How to gain weight fast” and while they did give a plethora of options none of them really worked for me. Not to mention the shit became expensive as hell, but I was so determined to gain some pounds (Ass & hips…judge ya mother) that the money didn’t even bother me. I tried it all from protein smoothies, protein shakes, increasing my caloric intake, Maca root, working out (chile I don’t know how y’all do that workout shit) and the infamous Apetamin. I would not recommend that Apetamin stuff to NO ONE, the side effects were just too much to deal with. I have seen women get great results with it but I refuse to drink that stuff again…but to each its own. I was over doing it trying to become something I simply am not and it wasn’t worth it. When it all balls down to it the most important thing you can do is love yourself no matter how big or small you are, no one is perfect and truth be told no one is ever satisfied. I know women who want to be smaller and women who want to be bigger. Women who want to add a little bit here and take a little bit away there. We’re either stuffing our faces trying to pile on calories or trying multiple diets trying to shed some pounds….there’s always something.

Love yourself just the way you’re, you’re beautiful and if you ever need a reminder I’m here to do just that! I still have my days BUT I snap out of that shit fast, I don’t dwell on it. I was made just the way I am supposed to be and so were you. I’ll leave you with this piece from 2016 I wrote on my tumblr (who else had a tumblr?) tumblr was and still is my favorite Social Media account….

It is never okay to ridicule or make insensitive comments about somebody’s body image. If I had a dollar for every time someone has made comments such as: “wow, do you eat?”, “you’re soooooo skinny”, “where are you gonna put all that food?”, “you should eat more”…..etc I’d literally have enough money to pay off my student loans. Understand that you’re never in a position to make comments on something you know nothing about. It is no different than when someone makes a fat joke and everybody laughs, the shit hurts. I have been living with myself long enough to know that I am a petite woman, I do not need you to remind me of this every chance you get. Just because somebody is different from you doesn’t make them unhealthy and more importantly it doesn’t put you in a position to judge. With age came a thicker skin when it comes to this, however I truly do hate when complete fucking strangers take it upon themselves to voice their opinions. Even after I give them the look of death they still will proceed to ask even more insulting questions. In a generation where fat ass’s, big breast and wide hips are glorified, especially in the black community, it is often frowned upon to be on the skinny side. Luckily, I could give a shit less but when you insult me oh then we will have a problem. Just like it’s not okay to say, “He/she is big as a house” it also isn’t okay to say, “He/she looks like a skeleton”. People need to mind their own business and grow the fuck up, period. Worry about your own grass and why it isn’t growing instead of worrying about why somebody look the way they do. Your rude comments could be the last straw for somebody before they snap on you or even themselves. So next time you decide to take it upon yourself to say something in reference to someone’s body weight do me a favor….don’t.

People will have opinions but you know what they say about those 😉. Don’t let anyone convince you that there is something wrong with you because there isn’t, there’s something wrong with them for believing they can tell you what to do with YOUR body! Healthy lifestyle changes are 100% okay but don’t let society convince you that there is something wrong with you, do it because you want to not because you feel like you have too.

Thanks for stopping by and remember, whatever you do, always do it with style…..and confidence!

Signed, A skinny black girl who eats more than an elephant :).

Xx, Quita

So I’ve got a confession, I’ve been cheating….

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If you remember back to last summer when I made a post titled ‘Casually Chic Summer‘ where I wore a slip dress with sneakers, I mentioned in that post how I wanted to get into wearing sneakers; how I’ve had my eye on a couple pairs. Of them these have been my favorite go to sneaker of all time, I have NEVER been a sneaker girl let alone a Jordan wearer but the 1’s have always stood out to me. I think what I like most about them is the sleekness of them, how they can easily be dressed up or down and works either way. The variation of colors is probably my favorite thing about them, over the years they have came in so many different colors from the classic red, white & black ones to the ones I have on, they literally have a ton of color combinations. I knew if was going to spend my coins on a pair of sneakers they had to be perfect, they had to be versatile, they had to be the Jordan 1’s.

I purchased my first pair about three years ago and didn’t purchase another until recently, although I liked the shoe I felt awkward in them LOL only because I am so used to wearing heels that I felt weird in sneakers. In a sense I felt as if I were cheating on my heels with sneakers, hence the title of this post LMAO. I tried to wear them maybe 3 times before I put them back in the box never to be seen again, that is until recently when I started to see them everywhere and remembered the pair I had shoved in the back of my closet. I wasn’t really in love with those so like any shopaholic would do I went online and purchased two new pairs in different colors to start my collection LOL. I was drawn to the boldness of the blue in these and how they could go with a lot of things I own, I’m not really into colors but if I do wear color its something dark for sure!

I don’t know whats gotten into me lately (probably the knees/ankles of a 35 yr old who’s been wearing heels since middle school) but all I’ve been wanting to wear lately is practical shoes, shoes that don’t make my feet hurt and ankles swell. I’ve always loved the whole Sporty Chic style that some girls have down to a science. That effortless, cool girl, sporty look with the right amount of style and a lot of comfort. That’s the direction I was going in with this look. Army fatigue have been having a moment for the last couple of years now and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. For this look I went with the grey & black fatigue pants as opposed to the green ones everybody own (myself included). I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t throw a little glam into the mix, the faux fur I’ve had for awhile now & will continue to wear it until its worn out. Faux fur has got to be my favorite style coat to wear during the winter months, there was a time when I hated coats for the simple fact that they were big and bulky and hid my outfit LOL….however, I’ve had a change of heart. Now I’ll buy the most elaborate coat in the store just to make a subtle statement, the coat is like the appetizer while the outfit is the main course LMAO!

While I’ll always be a heels girl at heart I think its cool to switch things up from time to time, incorporating sneakers into my wardrobe was definitely a much needed change. I’ve noticed a lot of Fashion bloggers and street style stars have wearing sneakers with everything from skirts and jeans to ball gowns and suits, especially during NYFW, which I 100% stan! I cannot imagine running around for hours on end from show to show in 6 inch heels, that literally sounds like torture. Now don’t go and get all excited because this doesn’t cancel out heels all together for me, absolutely fucking not lol. There’s nothing sexier than a nice pair of pumps or thigh high boots (which both happen to be my favorite type of heel) BUT every now and again wearing a pair of sneakers is definitely clutch. I don’t even know who I am right now lol I think my main issue with wearing them often is my actual style, I’m the girl who’s 9 times out of 10 gonna over dress by nature…it’s really just who I am. Trying to make a sneaker work with a chic/glam outfit can sometimes become a little tricky but I’m up for the challenge. Do you have a go to comfortable shoe? Sneaker? I think I’ve found mine….*Goes and buy them in every color because that’s just who I am* LOL

Thanks for stopping by and remember, whatever you do, always do it with style.

Xx, Quita