The single girls guide to the holidays

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Hey girl hey! So, we’re exactly one month away from Christmas and just a few hours away from Thanksgiving which officially kicks off the holiday season! As I’ve gotten older I’ve become a lot less enthusiastic for the holidays but I wouldn’t consider myself to be the grinch either, LOL. For the single woman the holidays can become a tad bit lonely ( I blame all those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies where the woman falls madly in love on Thanksgiving, is engaged on Christmas & married by New Years Day 🥴). We watch these movies with a glass(s) of wine secretly cursing every fuck boy that has ever wasted our time. No date for Thanksgiving dinner…again (your family is secretly judging you for this😭), no kissing under the mistletoe, no New Years kiss at 12 and while we’re on the subject we might as well include Valentine’s Day too. No chocolate and teddy bear or whatever y’all be accepting as gifts, LOL. I know this can suck but it doesn’t have too…I’ve listed 5 things you can do to ease the holiday scaries 😂. Now unless I meet a tall, dark, handsome, nice smile, good smelling, nicely dressed man in Target today ( in which case I Am no longer single LOL) we’re in this together 😂.

Let’s face it no matter how much you try to hide the holidays are coming so you might as well enjoy them. When your family asks you who you’re bringing to dinner tell them your outfit 😂 because a fabulous outfit is much better than a fuck boy you’re probably only entertaining because you’re bored. That way they won’t be giving you the side eye when you show up next year with a completely different person because that will be your future husband (I’m speaking this over yours as well as my life)! So, here’s my top 5 ways to deal with the stress of the upcoming weeks.

  • Host a Friendsgiving! I’ve always wanted to do this but just haven’t gotten around to it. I don’t know who thought of this but I think it’s a pretty cool idea. We’re certainly thankful for our friends too, especially the ones who listen to us complain over and over again about the same guy. Lol. We’re usually with our families on the actual holiday so why not have a separate shin dig with our friends.
  • Have a secret Santa gift exchange between you and a few close friends. It doesn’t have to be super expensive because it’s always the thought that count. Maybe you and your girls could get all dressed up and go to brunch to exchange gifts. Set a price limit for the gift and toast over bottomless mimosas!
  • Host a Christmas party! Something small and intimate while keeping COVID-19 in mind you can still have something for a small amount of close friends. This can be an ugly sweater party or even a pajama party. My family and I have a Christmas pajama party every year on Christmas Eve. We wear our Christmas pjs, bake cookies, watch Christmas movies and drink spiked egg nog, LOL. It’s a tradition for us!
  • Buy yourself something nice! I know we’re supposed to be shopping for others and we will but don’t forget about yourself! You deserve gifts just as much as the next person. If you don’t have a man to buy you those shoes or that bag you really want then buy 👏🏽 it 👏🏽 for 👏🏽 your 👏🏽 self.! You’ll appreciate it more when you can do it for yourself.
  • Love on yourself! This is especially important during times of increased stress, this can look like different things for different people but it all balls down to self care. Make sure you’re taking extra good care of yourself during the holiday season. On top of everything else going on in the world the holidays can become hectic. From dealing with family members you only see during the holidays, stressing over buying the perfect gift(s), to seeing all the “happy” couples on your socials celebrating together it can get tough BUT you got this!

*Bonus tip*

  • Use all the money you saved from NOT buying a PS5 or whatever these men are asking for these days to book a trip! LOL. Being single during the holidays only really means more money in your pocket and who doesn’t like money? I’ll wait 😂.

Let’s be honest though we all have that one sneaky link who could possibly be bae but you know….options, LOL. Happy Holiday Season!

Until next time

Xx, Quita

Go hard or go home

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Hey guys! I hope everyone has been well and healthy during these crazy and unprecedented times. I don’t have to state the obvious in saying that 2020 has been INSANE, like absolutely nuts on so many different levels. From a worldwide pandemic (which forced the entire world to shut down) to the truly tragic events that has happened to African Americans across the country, its been pretty hard to wrap my mind around any of it. I haven’t really been in the mood to blog let alone get dressed up and take photos…with everything going on I just felt like there were much more important things to do & talk about.

The only problem with that is once I stopped doing what I enjoyed I became a bit discouraged, like my energy levels were extremely low. The current events had sucked every ounce of creative energy I had left in me. I thought what little energy I did have should be used in trying to make a difference doing my part to help with the senseless acts of violence ( by the hands of the very ones who swore to Protect & Serve), to showing up to work every morning at 4:30 am to care for extremely ill patients….all while trying to stay safe and COVID-19 free. I was going crazy trying to stay sane 😩 & not to mention the fact that I’m an em-path so add that to the mix and I was a complete mess. I felt like I was losing myself trying to stay connected to what was going on around me, I needed to get back to me ASAP. With all that we have going on in the world I think it’s very important to find your piece of peace, to stay connected to what makes you you and for me that is obviously fashion/writing.

I mentioned in an earlier post how fashion/writing has always been my creative outlet, something I turn to whenever I felt stuck. After four months of not writing a single blog post I knew that when I did it would come effortlessly. Sometimes all you need to do is unplug and give yourself some time to recharge. I had this idea to shoot on a basketball court since last year sometime but never got around to it, for this particular post I knew I wanted to do a sporty/chic kind of look with a suit and sneakers. Although Boohoo sent me the wrong color (I ordered a hot pinkish/red suit) I made this color work but when I saw they sent me this pastel pink color instead I was pissed😒.

I wish I could’ve seen my face when I opened the package lol I was like, “The hell am I supposed to do with this Easter pink suit…?!” 😂. Add that to the fact that I hate pink and well I was beyond annoyed, however I was not about to go through the whole process of sending it back to the UK after waiting damn near two weeks to receive the package. So, I coughed it up as a loss and kept it moving. If you’ve got true style you’ll make a garbage bag look good 😉.

I threw on the sports bra, fanny pack, Cortez Nike classics & Nike socks for a little sporty razzle dazzle and viola the look was complete. On this day it had to be at least 90+ degrees in the middle of the day so imagine how hot I was during this shoot! I was so irritable and wanted to get it over with ASAP, then after roasting in the hot sun I looked at the pictures and couldn’t find a single one I liked, lmao. I think I was just over it that day because I looked at them the next day and had a change of heart. After damn near passing out from the heat somebody was gonna see these pics…lol.

While I don’t know when/if things will ever go back to the way they were I’ve still done a little summer shopping. I’m not sure where I’m headed to but I’ve got a slip dress(s) on hand just in case, lol. I know where I live we’re considered to be in phase two of reopening which does include outdoor dining. I’m the girl who loves a good brunch situation that includes endless mimosas with my girls. I’m all for being home by 9:00 and sleep by 10:00 lol…what can I say I’m in my mid thirties 👀. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I turned a year older during my absence, although I was supposed to be barefoot on an island sipping frozen margaritas while dancing to reggae with somebody’s son my bday weekend was an absolute blast! A few hiccups here & there (I lost my phone in an Uber, literally tracked the Uber man down to retrieve it, my bday picnic got completely rained out and I had a complete meltdown) with the help of friends & family I really did enjoy my weekend 😆.

Although 2020 has been an absolute shit show thus far I haven’t cancelled this year! Pressure makes diamonds and I’m not ready to throw the towel in & neither should you. We’ve spent a lot of time sitting home which I believe is prime time to complete any goals you may have had. We complain so much about not having time to do things and now more than ever all we have is time, so why not use it wisely. I’ve been in an uncomfortable space as of late but I think it’s all because of growth, growth always feels uncomfortable in the beginning. I can hardly believe we’re already in the last half of the year, time has flown by so fast! What have you done with your down time? Let’s all commit to those goals and finish up the last half of the year strong. I don’t know about you but I’ve got a couple things up my sleeve I’m working on and I don’t plan on letting myself down. I’m not sure when I’ll write another post, could be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year but I will be back lol. In the meantime lets keep showing up for ourselves & one another….I think more than ever we need each other to get through these wild ass times. Let’s keep our foots on their necks and our minds on our goals. Until next time…

Xx. Quita

P.S. Justice for Breona Taylor

Skinny Black Girl In America

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So, let’s talk….

Happy Women’s History Month! I thought I’d start this month off in particular with a subject very near and dear to me, something I’ve been dealing with for most of my life. I’m sure it’s not hard to see that I am a petite woman, or as most would say “Skinny”. Growing up and all throughout school this was never something that caused me any trouble or was even a concern, I was a perfectly healthy child/teenager who happened to be on the “Skinny” side. It wasn’t until I was around 15 maybe 16 when I started to notice that all of my friends were growing into these bodies that had hips, breast and ass while my body on the other hand still looked the same way it did in the 9th grade. Although it still hadn’t become an issue at that point it was something I did take notice of. As time went on and I entered early adulthood that’s when the insecurities started to come into play, that’s when the insensitivity from others started to happen, that’s when I began to allow my environment to affect me.

I would hear all types of comments and rude remarks regarding my weight, things that I would unintentionally internalize. Being a smaller woman comes with it’s own set of problems BUT being a skinny black woman in the black community is a whole other fight. In a culture where big butts, breast & hips are placed on a pedestal I was trying to find where I fit in, I was trying to feel confident in my own body. I think people forget that body shaming doesn’t just mean you’re calling someone fat or overweight, body shaming is when you make a comment on someone’s weight, period. Whether it be a comment about someone being fat or skinny NEITHER IS OKAY and both can leave the same effect on someone. If it’s not, ‘Girl, do you even eat?” it’s “You’re soooooo tiny, how do you manage to stay so thin??” and while some people don’t mean much harm others are very intentional with their remarks. Rule of thumb, never comment on someone’s weight…it’s insensitive and it’s rude.

I tried EVERYTHING to gain weight and I mean everything. I watched countless Youtube videos on “How to gain weight fast” and while they did give a plethora of options none of them really worked for me. Not to mention the shit became expensive as hell, but I was so determined to gain some pounds (Ass & hips…judge ya mother) that the money didn’t even bother me. I tried it all from protein smoothies, protein shakes, increasing my caloric intake, Maca root, working out (chile I don’t know how y’all do that workout shit) and the infamous Apetamin. I would not recommend that Apetamin stuff to NO ONE, the side effects were just too much to deal with. I have seen women get great results with it but I refuse to drink that stuff again…but to each its own. I was over doing it trying to become something I simply am not and it wasn’t worth it. When it all balls down to it the most important thing you can do is love yourself no matter how big or small you are, no one is perfect and truth be told no one is ever satisfied. I know women who want to be smaller and women who want to be bigger. Women who want to add a little bit here and take a little bit away there. We’re either stuffing our faces trying to pile on calories or trying multiple diets trying to shed some pounds….there’s always something.

Love yourself just the way you’re, you’re beautiful and if you ever need a reminder I’m here to do just that! I still have my days BUT I snap out of that shit fast, I don’t dwell on it. I was made just the way I am supposed to be and so were you. I’ll leave you with this piece from 2016 I wrote on my tumblr (who else had a tumblr?) tumblr was and still is my favorite Social Media account….

It is never okay to ridicule or make insensitive comments about somebody’s body image. If I had a dollar for every time someone has made comments such as: “wow, do you eat?”, “you’re soooooo skinny”, “where are you gonna put all that food?”, “you should eat more”…..etc I’d literally have enough money to pay off my student loans. Understand that you’re never in a position to make comments on something you know nothing about. It is no different than when someone makes a fat joke and everybody laughs, the shit hurts. I have been living with myself long enough to know that I am a petite woman, I do not need you to remind me of this every chance you get. Just because somebody is different from you doesn’t make them unhealthy and more importantly it doesn’t put you in a position to judge. With age came a thicker skin when it comes to this, however I truly do hate when complete fucking strangers take it upon themselves to voice their opinions. Even after I give them the look of death they still will proceed to ask even more insulting questions. In a generation where fat ass’s, big breast and wide hips are glorified, especially in the black community, it is often frowned upon to be on the skinny side. Luckily, I could give a shit less but when you insult me oh then we will have a problem. Just like it’s not okay to say, “He/she is big as a house” it also isn’t okay to say, “He/she looks like a skeleton”. People need to mind their own business and grow the fuck up, period. Worry about your own grass and why it isn’t growing instead of worrying about why somebody look the way they do. Your rude comments could be the last straw for somebody before they snap on you or even themselves. So next time you decide to take it upon yourself to say something in reference to someone’s body weight do me a favor….don’t.

People will have opinions but you know what they say about those 😉. Don’t let anyone convince you that there is something wrong with you because there isn’t, there’s something wrong with them for believing they can tell you what to do with YOUR body! Healthy lifestyle changes are 100% okay but don’t let society convince you that there is something wrong with you, do it because you want to not because you feel like you have too.

Thanks for stopping by and remember, whatever you do, always do it with style…..and confidence!

Signed, A skinny black girl who eats more than an elephant :).

Xx, Quita